Thoughts of a common pigeon sitting on a balcony in south-west London on a cold and grey afternoon in January

Coo

Coooo

Coo

I wonder if I could shit on
That bloke's head from here?

Coo

I can smell kebabs
Can you smell kebabs?
I hate kebabs

Coo

Coooo

Race you to that rooftop
Go on, race me to that rooftop

Coo

I could shit on that woman's shoulder
And she would never know what hit her

Coo

Coooo

I fundamentally disagree with Ken's viewpoint
That we're disease-ridden vermin
I voted for that bimbo, Boris

Coo

Coooo

Starving, I am
I could murder one of those kebabs
I've only had two slugs since yesterday

Coo

Coooo

Coo

Seen this new trick with my tail feathers?
Bet you can't do that whilst
Standing on one leg and cooing

Coo

Why are there no mad pigeon women
In this bloody city?
I could do with some bread

Coo

Coooo

I've nearly finished reading Wittgenstein
I've got the complete works of Proust
To read next

Coo

Last one to that rooftop's a wuss
Shit on that old lady's umbrella
As we go, right?

Coo

Cooooo

Coo

[Exit pigeon, flapping]