24.12.08

Xmas miffs

SANTA DOES NOT EXIST
He is your father, drunk on cheap sherry
JESUS WAS NOT BORN IN A MANGER
He was born in Basingstoke
JESUS' MOTHER WAS NOT MARY
She was called Beryl Artichoke
BERYL/MARY WAS NOT A VIRGIN
It happened in the back of a Ford Capri
AND THE FATHER WAS NOT JOSEPH
He was called Derek, and he was a chav
DEREK/JOSEPH WAS NOT A CARPENTER
He worked in scaffolding
ELVIS WAS NEVER LONELY AND BLUE AT XMAS
You're never alone with prescription drugs
THE XMAS NUMBER ONE IS RUBBISH
They can't compare with Slade or Wham!
IT'S A TIME OF PEACE, LOVE AND GOODWILL
Give me presents, or I will slap you
AND KISSING UNDER THE MISTLETOE
Kiss me like my granny, and I'll slap you
CHRISTMAS FOOD IS DELICIOUS
The turkey will kill you from the inside
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
Go away, I am sulking

5 comments:

xtx said...

excellent. i like how this explores all of the conflicting emotions this time of year brings.

it is sort of like taking a perfect xmas image in your mind and dripping black tar over it and then adding some infection and some glitter.

thanks for inviting me to the party ani. i hope i can be a good contributor next year.

merry holidays to all of you Pifflers. I hope to get to know you better in the coming year.

Blatherskite said...

That's right, spoil it; whilst some of us are surrounded by cards picturing robins, plum puddings, robins, holy stars, charming cartoon Santas each baring the weight of a bountiful sack, plum puddings, robins, pretty snow-kissed cottages, a bountiful sack, any image you like covered in glitter; strings of intermittently blinking lights the blue of police emergencies, the thrilling anticipation of a proud pubescent chorister spewing forth his honey-honed rendering of Once in Royal David City, the impending arrival, in multiple, of over-excitable step-brothers with girlfriends, the impending arrival, in multiple of The Two Ronnies, dozing irritable grandparents, all ready for another round of Guitar Hero World Tour, it seems such a shame that you've missed the magic of the season once again. Now where did I put that Playstation dance mat...

Clarissa said...

Hugs.

Roberta said...

Granny kisses. :-/

I always feared mine would -ingest- me via kissing my cheek. *shudder*

Ani Smith said...

SANTA SUCKS!

(Surprise, I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas.)